Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
