the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
