Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize