Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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