thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
