Kiss
Puke
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
