yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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