OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
