Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
