I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
