Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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