he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
