Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
