I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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