dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
