I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
