THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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