there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My pussy is not your playground.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
