bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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