Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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