Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
