So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
