hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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