It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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