I hate all girls vehemently.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
