planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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