you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
