school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
