I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
smell my finger.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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