I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
