I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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