DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
