If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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