I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
