i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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