I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
