I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
