Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
