You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
