omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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