Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize