you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
