i was born a porn star she said
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
