and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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