we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
