you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
