I think I won the penis lottery.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
