y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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