They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
