Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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