and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
