and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
