Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
