sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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