Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
