If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
