Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize