I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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