Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
