If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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