dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
