So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
