If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
