I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
