Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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