AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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