Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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