Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
