My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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