those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
