remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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