i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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