his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just gargled with NyQuil
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
