My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
