guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think my mom watched the whole time
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
