are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
