sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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