I think I died a long time ago.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
