Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
